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Write to Do the Right Thing

I create things and write about them here as well as other stuff. Views are always mine.

つながりとまとまりの例

twitter上でこの記事がとても読みやすい記事として紹介されていました.だから読んでみたのですが,エッ,と思いました.ぼく自身は非常に読みにくいと感じたからです.

表現自体はぼく自体も高い英語力を持ち合わせているわけではないので何かを云える義理ではないのかもしれませんが,一番謎に感じたのは,このように自分の体験を中心に述べるような場合も内容の全体像を知らせるようなことがすぐ最初に来るべきだと思うからです.

ちょっと読んでみましょう.
I wanted to study English at university from the time I was in high school, but I wanted to study English that could be used for communication, not English literature. I couldn't get into a national university because I was not good at mathematics, but I discovered the Department of English Studies in the Faculty of Foreign Studies at Sophia University and became a student here.


After entering Sophia, I discovered that it was more than just a place for the creme de la creme of English from around the country. A lot of the students had lived abroad, something you rarely saw in Fukuoka, where I was from. A number of classes, even non-language courses, were conducted in English, and students spoke English as well. For a year I wondered why I felt so far behind the pack, even though I had studied so hard and managed to score well on my exams. Looking back though, it was actually a prime chance for me to experience a global society, an opportunity that very few people in Japan had at the time. And it was undoubtedly that experience that made me the person I am today.

最初に高校で英語を勉強したかったけど,コミュニケイションのための英語で英文学じゃない,と云われてもいったいこれからどんな話をするのか,ということは見えてきません.我慢して読んだら,ここで述べられている内容は,安河内哲也先生がご自身の英語学習・英語教師としての体験と上智大学の関わりを述べているわけです.

そこで,ぼくならこんな感じで同じ内容を答えると思います.
When I look back on my career as an English learner and an English teacher, it seems like Sophia has always given me the right directions. I believe it started right from the beginning. When I was in high school, my concern was English for communication and I wanted to learn it in college. However, a big problem arose -- there were few universities offering programs to meet such needs, and most of them were national universities. In order to enter any national university, I would have to take a math exam. But, you know... math was my least favorite subject. Given such situation, I had to choose the Department of English studies in the Faculty of Foreign Studies at Sophia University, if I remember correctly, it was the only private university that matched my interests in those days. I studied very hard andluckily I was able to enter the school, as you know.

But, after starting at Sophia, I found myself surrounded by another problem -- most students' English skills were way ahead of me. They had lived abroad. I had never met people like that in my hometown in Fukuoka. On top of that, all the classes, not only English classes but also other academic subjects are conducted in English. I had had confidence in myself since I passed Sophia's entrace exam, which was considered very difficult, but such considence was gone immediately after feeling the gap between my classmates and me. Those days were quite tough, but I believe they defintely shaped the basis of what I am now. 
適当にタイプしているので細かい表現はご容赦ください.基本的に大事なことは,常に
  • 全体的に何についての話なのか
  • いま述べていることはそれにどう関係しているのか
  • 次に何がくるのか
というようなことがたちどころにわかるのが英文の原則だとぼくは考えています.このことを「つながり(cohesion)」と「まとまり(coherence)」のある文章と呼ぶと思います.

しかし,多くの学習者が初めの文章を読みやすいと考えているのだと結構英語教育の改革はまだまだ先かもしれませんね.

まあ,もとの記事はおそらく翻訳なのでしょうが,誰が書いたか知りませんが,かなりこったイディオムが入っている割になんかそういう工夫が見られないからぼくとしては非常に残念な文と云わざるを得ません.

今回は純粋に英文の流れの問題を指摘したかったので,安河内先生が改革派として有識者会議に入っていること自体を揶揄する気はまったくないのですが,この英文を翻訳したのが安河内先生自身なら(たぶん,違うと思います)手を抜くべきではなかったのではと思います.読売のライターならこのレヴェルの英文を書かせるのは少し安河内先生に失礼ではないかな,と考えます.Daily Yomiuriからのきちんと書ける記者はたくさんいると思うので,そういう人にやらせるべきだと思います.
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